I have been thinking about different personality types, and the various ideas people have about how these might ‘develop’. Let me clarify. I have heard many people say that it is ‘bad’ to raise a child with too many ‘rules’, as one may see in many religious homes for example. I often hear statements about these concerning indoctrination, narrow-mindedness, and ‘anti-Universalism’. Many argue (I used to myself) that religion should be something that is entirely ‘private’, an opinion, and something that should not be mixed with, perhaps, politics or any other social affairs. A religion is, however, ethical per se and shapes the values and actions of the individual who practices. It is the deepest layers in the make-up of that being, and of the entire community, joining them in the quest of shaping a better world for each and every human being on the planet and possibly even beyond. This, in itself, is a beautiful and very meaningful way to live one’s life. You might argue, however, that each religion believes that their way is the better way. The only way to live for the world to become a better place, even if this belief involves killing the gentiles in order to reach this goal… Yes, this is true. But this is also true whether one is religious or not; each and every social system, government, family or individual may believe that their way is the only, and the better way. ‘Organized’ religion, or moral values within a home, is not more of a bad thing compared to anything else that is organized, i.e. political party, social groups, a family etc. But what is good, is when these organized groups communicate values which supports the freedom, responsibility and development of the people it concerns, i.e. everyone. It is up to each and every one to decide how one would best achieve this. In my opinion, this does not involve murdering people because they do not agree or those considered ‘outsiders’, or gentiles.
I would also like to say this; of course we need a social system, a ‘government’ to set the standard of what is right and what is wrong, every country has this, and every family has this. Believing we do not is very naïve. I have been there myself, in my teenage, bohemian days when responsibilities were few and not realizing the important role that every person on this planet posits.
I would also like to say that this is no different if you come from a ‘liberal’ home, where most things ‘go’, so to speak, or if you have mixed and matched between different sets of values taken from various ‘belief’(ethical) systems to create your own moral world. You may desire your child to be able to ‘choose’ themselves what to be (trust me, they will anyway!). But then, be not disappointed nor alarmed when your child discovers communism or joins Hells Angels, choose to become a Muslim or Jewish, because this is ultimately what you wanted, their freedom to choose from ANYTHING and to be who they are (although, they most likely do not know who they are and have lacked the guidance think about it). It is my opinion that one who has not grown up with clear rules and learnt to appreciate the depth of shared values between people will not be more tolerant, but less. But hey, that’s just me. And I believe most people in the world WILL ultimately pick a ‘group’, even if this may be less obvious than the examples above, that they will identify with. I think that in an overly liberal home, with no clear set values and ‘rituals’, or whatever you want to call it, it is easy to get scattered, confused perhaps. We have to accept that the ability to organize ourselves and live for meaning and cause is our social nature, and it is a very good nature.
Whatever you are or whichever group you affiliate with, you are going to argue for what you believe is right, deeply religious, communist, humanist etc. No one has more strict rules than the other, but some are more humane and tolerant.
Finally, out of all the different systems of ethics out there, on what basis would your children be expected to make an intelligent choice have they not been brought up with a deep sense of belongingness and togetherness where they felt safe to investigate their own deeper being? Aiming to be universal (as is so popular now) instead of particularistic, without being rooted in a certain culture is a waste of time, since one will most likely be in a more or less ‘confused’ state, not in a position to be able to be open-minded enough to understand the complexities of differences, even less so able to understand the dedication of some groups of people or individuals who are precisely that, rooted.
Elliot is excited about our weekly celebration of
Shabbat and wants to wear my scarf as a Tallit like
the big boys :)
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