Family...

…is very important. I have come to realise this is not one-sided, but in ways that can be both difficult and wonderful, sometimes even a negative force. Hopefully it is a positive one most of the time, as is the case with me. The last week was pretty intense. To start with my own little family of three have been split for the last 3 weeks now, and I miss us all being together so much. It is painful watching Elliot grow, doing something new almost everyday, without us, me and my partner, sharing it in that moment of wonder. Love for the little one grows with every second we spend together, me and Elliot.

Mom, dad, I, and Elliot went to visit my grandparents mid week and it was lovely to breathe the refreshing cool forest air again, as they live a bit further up north in the country. We didn’t get up to much, as in doing things, but spending time with family that you don’t get to see very often can give you a lot more than having to do things all the time. It was lovely just hanging out there for a couple of days.

This weekend I also had visits from the so called extended family of mine over, my very good friend S came over for a quick visit from Stockholm, and then later arrived N, nowadays also a Capital City of Sweden girl, sorry woman. It was as lovely as ever to see them both, as it does, sadly, not happen often these days. I am sad N’s sister D could not be here too, I hope to see her soon. Those two girls are such an inspiration to me; hence the need to write about the family topic in my Blog. N and I talked a lot about families, and what an impact they have on ones life and the decisions we make, the happiness they give us, but unfortunately also the grief at times. We agreed on how important it is to let go, and not live the life the parents wish, or even try to tell you, but to follow one’s own dreams, hopes, gut, heart… You get it. This can be more difficult than one tends to think, as every word, every sigh, from a parent get’s soaked up by their children. This seems to be a tough on for parents, and I am sure I will get to experience it with my own one day. Somehow it seems difficult to accept that children, or parents, are just precisely that, a part of one self. We don’t tend to see them as people, individuals. And this I can now understand, as a child actually, physically, has been created by one. But, only till the day the individual is born. It must be particularly hard for mothers. The protective instinct they, we, hold for our children can never go away, die. And, I could argue that the biology behind this is… everything. Somehow I don’t think this complex relationship is the same between siblings, and this is why they are so important to be the support for each other as individuals, not as a part of themselves who should live the life they want, and get disappointed when they don’t do so. The dilemma for a child to live the life, and make the choices to please their parents, or simply deciding to live the life one wishes for, is intense. The need for acceptance, love, and security rules the latter out for a long time, for some probably all their life. But what is that love, acceptance and security when it is given conditionally? Destructive, creating the opposite element in the child, loved for what they are not inside. Creating distrust where there must be trust.

I would like to finish with a song written by the Swedish sing-song writer Björn Afzelius. Unfortunately for you who don’t know Swedish, this song can simply not be translated…

Till Elliot

“När jag tänker tillbaka på min barndom

Ser jag skräckbilder tydligast av allt

Ja, de gånger de skrämde eller slog mig

Är de minnen som hårdast sitter fast

För som barn tar man kärleken för given;

Allting annat är mot ens natur

I den stund man tar steget ut I livet

Är man bara ett tillgivet djur

Ändå står snart de vuxna där och pekar

Ut den riktning de tycker man skall ta

Alla drömmar de själva har förvägrats

Vill de förverkliga genom sina barn

Är man lydig belönas man och hyllas

Revolterar man mister man allt

Ingen älskar ett barn som inte lyckas

Ingen älskar ett barn som är starkt

Men vem besitter förmågan att veta

Vad som ryms I en ny individ?

Och vem kan säg' till nån annan hur lyckan ser ut

Vem kan säg' vad nån annan vill bli?

Låt dina blommor slå rot där det finns jordmån

Låt dina växter får leva där de trivs

Lås inte in dina plantor I ett drivhus

Låt de få slippa ett onaturligt liv

Låt den du älskar få pröva sina vingar

En dag så flyger din älskade rätt

Vill du bli respekterad av din avbild

Så får du visa din avbild respekt ”